where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
