As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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