her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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