I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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