I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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