It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
