you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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