another moral hangover. fuck.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
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