I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Congratulations! We have a period
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