Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
