he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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