I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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