I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Text me some of your sweat
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
