Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
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The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
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I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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