i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
