Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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