I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
