So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
