I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
