So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
