I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
