I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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