omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
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They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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