I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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