I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
