so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
