I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
