i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Can Purell be used as lube?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
