Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
