definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
