And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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