so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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