Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.