awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.