thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...