So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...