I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
