This is not my ceiling
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
