He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
