I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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