Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
