Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
