Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
