oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Sext me about skeletons
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
