The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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