I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
