I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
