just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
