Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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