goodnight i made you a song goodbye
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
