My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
