I hate your face
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My ass is underappreciated
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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