I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
