im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
