No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
