I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Randomize
