I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
