she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
