the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
