was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
try to milk me bitch
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