I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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