i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
