So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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