take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
